Self-Referential : When you run everything through your own grid. Not open to other's feedback.
If you have ever been around someone like this, you know it is a terrible thing. It makes meaningful relationship almost impossible.
We need the feedback of others to help round us out and show us our blind places. If you cannot hear other's reflections of you, you are doomed to a myopic view of yourself.
How do you hear others ? Drop the defensiveness. Listen with a learner's heart. A heart that says, 'could this be true of me?'
On another note, people won't be honest with you with the big stuff, until they see that you can handle the little items.
When people cannot hear me, I stop talking. It is as simple as that.