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So I have this desire to buy something.  Now I am not being obtuse in my vagueness as some sort of writer's device.  It's not that I have a specific something that I am wanting to purchase;  I just want to buy something.

This lack of specificity is my first clue that all is not as it seems.  

That, added to the fact that generally, I am not a go-out-and-spend-money-just-for-the-sake-of-spending-it kind of person, tips me off to asking : What is actually going on here?

After surfing several retail sites, while simultaneously doing a soul-check, I realize that I am frustrated and feeling devalued.  I have been working hard, spending quite a bit of time and money and effort for the sake of a friend … yet, I feel like I am unseen and unappreciated.  This  has led to sadness, which then led to longings for chocolate consumption, and then, this latest compulsion to purchase something (which I am not going to do).

What I need to do instead, is have a conversation.